Advice for couples

Sometimes even in a harmonious couple there are misunderstandings and conflicts, sometimes leading to quarrels and breakups. Usually married couples come to a psychologist when the conflict situation has already gone very far and it is almost impossible to cope with it on their own. Once loving people come in a state of war, resentment, revenge, guilt, but with dreams of happiness. The psychologist is not a wizard, because he cannot "make someone want" to return, correct themselves, or" erase " from memory what happened. But it can provide qualified assistance. During the consultation, the psychologist remains neutral.
Each couple is unique in its own way with its own model of relationship development.

But there are basic reasons for which a psychologist can help:

•  conflicts and lack of understanding in the couple;

•  dependent relationships;

•  dissatisfaction;

•  lack of trust, jealousy;

•  treason;

•  separation, divorce;

•  conflicts with the spouse's parents(and);

•  conflicts with children;

•   unregistered marriage

•  problems with mastering the skills necessary to transition to another stage of the marital relationship

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At the first stage, each partner takes care of the other and has a firm intention to create a family - this creates a solid Foundation that will then allow both spouses to move to the next stage of the relationship.
If such a Foundation is not laid, the partners remain at this stage, and their relationship will develop along one of two paths. The first way is to avoid conflicts, turn a blind eye to problems, and minimize differences. The second way is endless conflicts and quarrels against the background of fear of interrupting these relationships.

The second stage of marriage is the stage of manifestation of differences, when each partner is "removed from the pedestal" and subjected to careful study. This stage is rarely easy. The couple begin to notice differences and feel that they no longer want to spend so much time together, they want more privacy and may feel guilty about it.

The third stage is the stage of autonomy, when each partner is much more engaged in their activities in the external world than in their relationships. Partners can behave very self-centered, as they are immersed in their problems, restoring and developing their personality, separately from the other. Conflicts are increasing, and it is important for a couple to maintain intra-family emotional connections during their development in the outside world.

The fourth stage is the search for a balance between" I "and"we". Each partner has already decided on their own identity in the world and realized that, despite the value of their own autonomy, they need support and intimacy and are ready to return to the issue of relationships. At this stage, vulnerability reappears, periods of intimacy alternate with periods of independence, but worries dissipate faster and negotiations are easier.

The fifth stage is the stage of constancy, when partners, knowing that they love each other, reconcile their ideal partner and ideal relationship with reality. Two people have successfully found themselves in the world, established a strong connection between them and formed a relationship that satisfies both of them and allows them to develop further.

The help of a family psychologist is possible at any stage of the development of marital relations. Very often, conflicts and disagreements occur because one or both partners can not master the skills necessary to move to another stage of the marital relationship. After all, most of us do not know any other models of family behavior, except for parents, and in their own family, these models often do not work.